"What are the counts?" Cancer was hardly ever mentioned, Death never.

"What are the counts?"

Before she got sick all this was alien to me, but after first week or so I spoke this new language like a native. After I understood the meaning of Blood Counts, I would wait for the results as all Leukaemics do-with of course, a fast beating heart. Those waiting phases felt like they might never end.

In retrospect, I am astonished at how little once I knew (and of course forgotten after Olevel's) about the blood and the function of the Bone Marrow. A tiny drop of blood at the end of your finger can show quickly how energetic you are, how you would bleed if badly cut, what defenses you have against infection and all sorts of other things. 

Let me sum up in easiest way possible. Hemoglobin in your blood supplies energy. If you have high Hemoglobin count you're in a mountain climbing mood. Where as an inability to think or strong desire to doze off sums up how the person with low Hemoglobin count would feel. When person's Red Blood Cells goes below 6, he's in a danger of Congestive Heart Failure. To supply sufficient energy-giving hemoglobin to lungs and the rest of the body, the heart has to work overtime. And under sufficient stress just gives up, like a furnace that explodes or simply goes out when it can't meet the demands placed on it.

A cheerful nurse with hair bun would come around 6 in morning and defly jab a little needle into her hand. Next she would squeeze the blood into thin plastic tube to the glass tube. About half hour later, after the blood sample have been analyzed, the patient would be told the counts. If the counts are good, patient would feel bucked up for the day. A doctor doesn't like to transfuse blood anymore than necessary, though. The greater risk was the infection patient might get because of their defenseless state. Temperature just above 100 means an attachment of another antibiotics. 

All this time she managed to continue with her habit of reciting and listening Quran. She kept it in phone which is within easy reach at all times. Nurses, Doctors and everybody else would say: "Amazing how she's coping up" while some said: "God tests His best slaves.. Remember Prophet Younus? Prophet Ayyub?" and some said "Remission of Sins". I completed the rest, "Remission of Sins, Resurrection of the Dead and Life everlasting". The prayers for her and faith that she'll be cured, is of course on my fingertips.

Taking care of Leukaemics is a lot of work. Patients have needles in their arms a good deal of time, and the needles are always getting clogged or coming unstuck. Transfusions, CBC tests, Chemotheraphy, Hematologists...Moreover, some attendants remarked "This place is so depressing". So it is, The patients felt most of the time too horrible, tbh. But they too made an effort, at least at concealing despair.  Cancer was hardly ever mentioned, Death Never.

It was Doctors who decided when her counts are okay to let her home and what she could do when she got there. She was dependent. Knowing how I resented her state, emotional sustenance she gave me was always unspoken. In time, I got used to it and amazed to see her optimism. After all she always helped me adjust my crown, like a Queen. 

The other sick people around spent most of their time watching TV because that's the most was allowed. Passing each other occasionally in corridors, trundling over their IV/Drip stands, they would nod and smile. However, TV with her was mostly "sighing over commercials" and commenting on morning shows which made it a little bit interesting. Moreover, I spent my free time (when she was asleep) reading nothing profound. However, to scribble and to rant, Nothing came out except few defensive statements: "We will fight amongst platelets, We will fight in the Bone Marrow, We will fight in the peripheral blood. We will never surrender"

After her first chemotherapy cycle, I felt she lived on 2-levels. One level concerned what was going on in her mind? The other what was going on in her bone marrow and blood. The second was a lot mysterious than the first one. It's a curious feeling to have the inside of your bones a battle-field. 

Once i caught up a conversation with a Doctor (Long Distance Doctor Friend actually) about cancer in general. I asked for the best guess about what would happen to her or others. He said, "We can only wait for the nature of the disease to declare itself." He paused thoughtfully, "I don't want to mislead you but whatever she has will go away. Spontaneous remission is a possibility. Chemotherapy induces a remission"

On other occasion i asked: "Is it certain to have a relapse? The bad (blast cells) comes back?" "Almost certainly or may not," came the reply. "Why? Why do they come back?" "If we knew that, we'd know what caused them to proliferate in the first place. We'd be on the track of cure. Whoever answers your question wins the Nobel Prize." was the response. 

Children whom i saw fighting the same disease... there is something very hard to talk about the small childish faces, often topped with wigs.. and the wailing that was almost always going on, would echo  from one room to another when they were being given chemotherapy or transfusions. AND YET THIS I FOUND GENUINE AREA OF HOPE.

Mathematical figures are always boring for me, but not these figures and counts. Recently, they had a lovely lyrical meaning. Stability in blood counts meant that something strange and wonderful was happening to her blood. Perhaps in a short time we now faced life. No one i suspect, who has not experienced this sort of reprieve can wholly imagine what it is like. It induces, for a while at last, a special Euphoria which no chemical can emulate and in which colors are brighter and life purposeful. Its as if everything from medication to care to support to prayers and faith have induced this stability before her next cycle of tests or chemotherapy. 

These are the times when you feel no amount of gratitude can ever be enough for what Allah has blessed us with: loved ones standing like a strong pillar not with just her but us, donors who came by just on a short notice of call, and everybody from relatives to friends to teachers praying for her.

It's a universally accepted fact that whatever happens in our life, happens for a reason. However sometimes It's not easy to talk or write about while all you want are the answers to all the "Whys?". But For everybody out there fighting battles in anyway, Don't give up hope just yet. Sometimes it's all you've got. The true sunrise is still hidden somewhere beyond your midnight skies. Breathe and Remember, This too shall pass. 

One of the nicest gesture by Mr Salman Naseer.
Thank You Everyone who stood by our side in toughest of times.  

Dealing with misconduct: A case for filling the emotional tanks

On a daily basis, several teachers come to me to complain about students with conduct and behavior issues in the classroom. In fact, rather than being an anomaly, misconduct has become a norm. Now, why does a student misbehave? 
The student could be hungry, tired or sleepy. Perhaps the student is dealing with a surge of teenage hormones or it may be that something happened at home before coming to the school. However a fundamental question to ask here is:

Does that particular student feel deeply loved?

Students long to know that they are loved unconditionally. whether they are good at academics or not, whether they win in sports or not, they need to know that they are accepted the way they are and are valued. This is because there's an empty space inside every human being- a kind of an emotional tank, metaphorically speaking-always wanting to be filled with love.

Students' misbehavior and misconducted are often a gauge indicating the extent to which their emotional tank is filled. When a student shows a tendency to throw a tantrum, disturb the class or hurt other children, chances are that the level of love in their emotional tank is low. The tank needs to be filled. This is especially true for teenage students. Antisocial and rebellious behavior frequently stems from adolescent egocentric thinking: 

"No one understands me. No one loves me."

As teachers, we may be horrified at the idea of students not being loved because, of course, everybody loves their students-we are in no way their enemies. Indeed, sometimes our thoughts are fully occupied by care for our students only. Teachers try to make sacrifice for the students and to come up with many strategies to help them grow. Yet, we are often unsuccessful in our endeavors. One possible reasons for this is that we are at times unaware as to how to deal with students in a way that makes them feel deeply loved in a classroom. We might think we have the love for them and they will automatically know it. But our children not only need to be loved; they also need to be able to feel that they are loved. 

Calvin and Hobbes. 

How do we fill their emotional tanks?

Here are five tried and tested ways to do so:

1. Speak: Our words have the potential to express love powerfully. Praise like: "Well done kid!", "I know you can do it" and "Keep it up, love" can be really effective. Sometimes simply a small thing such as complimenting the neat hair of a student makes them feel loved. 

2. Spend time: When we set aside some of our time to be with another person, we show them that they matter. When we focus our attention exclusively to them, when we do something together with them, listen to what they are saying or watch what they are doing, we communicate that they are special to us.

3. Touch: It could be just a light tap on the back. Physical affection demonstrates that we enjoy being close to that person. Touch has a power to communicate our intentions to welcome, support, care for, console and provide security-all at once with just a simple gesture. 

4. Give Presents: A present is tangible, visual symbol of our love. It shows the recipient that we were thinking of them when we chose the present and it will remind them of our love each time they look at it or use it. Don't worry, Teachers! You don't need to spend ALOT on presents. If you're having a candy yourself, give one to your student too. A simple rubber-pencil set can also go a long way! 

5. Act: When we do something for another person, when we show kindness to them, we demonstrate our love in practice. We can make people feel much loved through meeting their need with kind actions.

Typically, each one of us shows love in the way we most like to receive it. We may give a lot of hugs because physical affection is more important for us to feel loved. We might be an expert present giver because receiving gifts means a lot to us. Isn't it such a piece of cake to become an expert in showing love the way we like to receive it? But remember, every child is different, and not necessarily like our own selves.

You have to reach out to every student in your classroom, especially those who are struggling with academic and behavior issues. Knowing which of the five ways of expressing love is the most significant for each student is hard. Yet, students see through their teachers' effort to "reach out to them" and appreciate that. It is not advisable, however, to express love as a cover-up for letting your students down. For example, giving physical affection and still being loud and short-tempered during class will not work. 

As with everything in life, we learn most about loving through observing and imitating. Some of us might recall never having received love from our own teachers in the ways discussed above. In such a case, it might feel unnatural to show love for our students in these ways. However, the good news is that with regular effort and practice, these love-expressing ways start coming naturally to us, enabling us to fill the emotional tanks of our students with genuineness. 

So, if you have not yet shown your students the love that you have for them, don't worry and make a start. And while you attempt to do so, remember what Dr Gary Chapman once said:

"When children feel genuinely loved, their whole world looks brighter. Their inner spirit is more secure and they are far more likely to reach their potential for good in the world."

The Article was published in Proseed Educational Magazine: https://proseedmag.com/2018/02/dealing-misconduct-case-filling-emotional-tanks/

Counseling is just nodding, sitting or talking? Prevailed misconception in Pakistan.

“Miss, if you can understand what I say and go through you can really do everything in this world” said one of my teenage student coming for counseling. This response was overwhelming for me yet very satisfying that by the Grace of Allah I was able to do the job exactly in a way I am supposed to do. With this encouragement, I moved on with work for rest of the day.

Counseling in an educational setup in Pakistan is nonetheless a remarkable step taken by educational management realizing the needs and the constructive results it brings for the welfare of students. However, working as a counselor is yet another challenge for the counselors largely because of the faulty attitudes associated with counseling in our society.

Firstly, the nature of counseling relationship is inaccurate. Majority of the population finds counseling a synonym of “talking”. With this faulty notion unfortunately many qualified teachers, heads and people from management have been heard saying that we’ve counseled a child our self. When asked upon are you a counselor, comes a timid reply, “No. but all counselors does is talking so we’ve done that.” Realizing that ‘their’ counseling didn’t work then the child is referred to the counselor. Counseling as defined by American Psychological Association is “addressing the emotional, social, work, school and physical health concerns people may have at different stages in their lives, focusing on typical life stresses and more severe issues with which people may struggle as individuals and as a part of families, groups and organizations”

This definition also eliminates another misconception-counselors just sit there in their office, nod and stay silent. Often counselors are seen as the most free or “farigh” person and has no workload in an educational setup. Counselors’ image is portrayed as “touchy-feely” or the one who can read your mind to another extreme of detached or ineffective. Whereas, Counselors in a school setup is in close contact with the teacher whose child is referred to, section head, campus head, parents and school management at the same time. Counselors are active, engaged throughout the session, use questions, and interventions which helps a child to move towards the goals. Every child is different, his/her needs and point of being referred is different and requires different intervention to work with. Counselor’s work is always more than just sit, nod and talk.

Picture taken from The Awkward Yeti

Furthermore, a child who is referred is tagged or labeled for seeing a counselor. It’s not by a particular person or a teacher but in my observation it’s basically the whole environment and attitude of the educational setup. For instance, several teachers are observed who come and see me with regards to a referred child not with the intention of welfare of a child but to know and have more material to gossip around in staff rooms. As a counselor, keeping confidentiality and making sure there’s no harm to child is our first and foremost duty. Similarly, keeping it confidential until there’s a precautionary need to break confidentiality, counselors are also seen as not cooperative or favoring a “troubled” child.

Counseling in an educational setup is a significant step provided that whatever the issue is, if handled right at the beginning will be a stitch in time saves nine. However such deep rooted faulty attitudes of educational institutes and largely the society will not only lead such kids often being isolated from families or society but also causes them not to look for solution until their condition gets exacerbated. Since many of us believe that living with stress, anxiety, compulsive behaviors or a variety of other symptoms are simply what life is all about. These complaints are no different from flu, fever, high blood pressure or other problems that life sometimes throws at us for which we look out for treatment. We do not hide these symptoms, or live in shame or pretend there’s no problem.

The article was published in Proseed Educational Magazine:  http://proseedmag.com/2017/05/counseling-is-just-nodding-sitting-or-talking-prevailed-misconception-in-pakistan/